Charlie Brown
Cheap-oh Charlie, the Bargain Bonehead, Or, Safe Shopping on the Net
What happened to Charlie, even though it was his own fault, is still sad. You see, Charlie is a worshiper at the throne of Cheap. He revels in flimsy plastic, and goes into ecstasy watching those late-night TV commercials that sell gadgets that can save the world. He was thrilled to get the Acme Home Brain Surgery Kit for just $19.95, although he admits that he has yet to try it. (Some people who know him think he has tried it — on himself — which explains a lot).
Charlie did all of his shopping at the dollar store. He was very proud of his sharp shopping prowess. “Those high end fancy-delancy stores are ripping off the public,” opines Charlie. “There is no reason why anything should cost more than a dollar. Anything at all.” Yes, Charlie has a strong disregard for premium shopping places such as fill-in-the-blank-Mart. “Only for rich idiots,” he says.
But Charlie is not devoid of standards. “I never shop at secondhand stores.” Why is that? As he explains, “I only shop quality.” So he only buys at the one dollar stores. That makes sense, right?
Internet Specials That Are Too Good, Way Too Good
As you can imagine, the Internet truly changed Charlie’s life, but not always in good ways. You see, Charlie believed that if it was on the net, it must be cheaper. He heard the phrase “Internet special”, and applied it to every web site that sells anything. If Internet Explorer shows it to him, it must be a bargain. If he sees it in Firefox, buy it, it’s a steal.
Charlie was naïve. Dangerously so.
So Charlie quickly discovered great sites, such as Trash Is Treasure.haha, Cheap Cr.ap, and Fools Rush In.dum. The last site had tragic consequences, as it was there that he bought the blowtorch that killed his mother-in-law. He told her it was a hair dryer. He told her he got it for one dollar. He told her it worked instantaneously — and he wasn’t lying.
And he told the police something else entirely.
This Site Is Run by Crooks
Now we all know the value of reading user reviews of products and dealers before buying on the net. If they write bad things about a dealer, the properly cautious among us would stay away. But not Charlie.
Charlie believed that the worse the review, the better the dealer. He actually searched out dealers accused of selling junk, cheating customers, providing no support, and so forth. He felt that these must be the best on the net. I repeat. The best on the net. Got that?
It makes perfect sense. “They’re just jealous,” says Charlie. “The natural human reaction to a superior product or service is a desperate attempt to resolve residual issues of low self-esteem by denigrating those objects…” at this point I fell asleep as Charlie kept talking. He clearly had taken one too many college psychology courses.
Let’s Go Phishing
Another thing we all know to do is to be very careful with our financial information. In this, Charlie was super careful. That’s why he opened every e-mail he got from “The Pay Pal Team” urging him to log into his account and update his security information. Those nice people from “Pay Pal” were even so nice as to send him a customized link to the log in form. This way, Charlie wouldn’t be bothered to type Pay Pal’s address into the browser. Wasn’t that sweet?
It’s too bad no one was there to tell Charlie that Pay Pal — the REAL Pay Pal — never sends these e-mails. This is something called phishing, and it’s the way impostors got Charlie’s log in and password. We’ll talk more about that later. Poor Charlie. He was trying. Give him credit for that, even if others were stealing it.
Shopping from Unsolicited E-Mails — You Know What They’re Called
Much of Charlie’s shopping day is spent surveying spam. “The best offers!” he explains. “These are responsible dealers, not wasting money on overhead, glossy catalogs and fancy web sites. This way they can pass the savings on to me!”
Does the fact that spam is illegal deter him?
“No way. These people are taking risks to get me the drugs, stocks, software and everything else I need at lowest cost. It’s only illegal because the big overcharging chains, such as you-know-which-river-in-South-America.com are trying to protect their monopolies.” For Charlie, shopping from spammers is a matter of principle. “These guys are heroes, real heroes.” He worships them. How noble! Good grief, Charlie Brown.
Secure Servers And Web Forms
It all came apart for Charlie when he found the deal to end all deals. It was a site called your-car-cheap-for-a-buck.con. Charlie could find dirt cheap cars by paying a buck — yes, the holy dollar — to join this special site.. And, believe it or not, the claim was absolutely correct. Correct, but not in the way Charlie wanted.
You see, Charlie didn’t think that a secure Web order form was necessary. Therefore he didn’t look for the “https” at the beginning of the address. That “s” after the http indicates a secure server to protect against hackers stealing credit card information. Most people realize that it is only wise to submit credit card information to a secure server.
But Charlie is not most people. He was not disturbed when the web site informed him that in order to process its one dollar membership, they needed to post his credit card details on the web site for a few moments. The people at the site didn’t trust the accuracy of Web forms, so they wanted to copy it by hand. “Responsible,” thought Charlie. And so his credit card, Social Security, billing address, you name it were displayed for all to see on the World Wide Web.
Shortly thereafter, Charlie was enjoying a luxurious deluxe vacation in sun filled Cancun, Mexico.
Only it wasn’t Charlie.
The identity theft was so complete that the credit card company didn’t believe Charlie’s story. They kept accepting the charges, and he went so far into debt that the bank foreclosed on his car and sold it for cheap.
The only possession Charlie had left was his membership in your-car-cheap-for-a-buck.con. And there it was, his repossessed car on sale for cheap. Well, the site did live up to its promise. Sort of. He had paid a lot more than a buck to see his car on sale cheap. But that’s just a detail.
The Moral of the Story
Yes, there are great bargains to be had on the Internet. There are discount specials that are fantastic. Remember, though, that the Internet is simply another way of advertising. The same mix of better and worse merchants, honest and less-so dealers is out there. By searching reputable merchants, paying attention to user reviews if they are available, never giving your credit card information to an unsecured site or responding to a phony Pay Pal, bank or other e-mail, you can reap the benefits of Internet shopping.
There is so much great value out there, and through the Internet’s amazing searching power, you can find true blue bargains. I believe it is the best way to shop.
About the Author
Seth Lutnick shops on the Internet all the time. His new site offers discounts and coupons from reputable dealers only! It’s called bargain-discount.com, and Charlie would never go there. And if you’re traveling, he has book-flights.biz.
Lucy Analyzes Charlie Brown
|
|
HTF PEANUTS Snoopy PEPPERMINT PATTY Charlie Brown LAUGH Live LOVE Mini FLAG NIP $12.95 |
|
|
Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown 7-1″ Pinback Buttons *New* $4.20 |
|
|
ART PRINT Peanuts Charlie Brown Baseball Charles Schulz $11.95 |
|
|
Have it Your Way Charlie Brown by Charles M Shultz 1971 very rare $8.99 |
|
|
Peanuts Snoopy CHARLIE BROWN 5″ Plush Stuffed Animal $15.50 |
|
|
Peanuts 1950 Charlie Brown – 1951 Schroeder – 1952 Linus Figures $0.99 |
|
|
PEANUTS GANG IT”S THE GREAT PUMPKIN CHARLIE BROWN Halloween T-Shirt MEDIUM NEW $20.00 |
|
|
PEANUTS GANG CHARLIE BROWN HANDS OFF MY CANDY Halloween T-Shirt SMALL NEW $20.00 |
|
|
PEANUTS GANG CHARLIE BROWN HANDS OFF MY CANDY Halloween T-Shirt LARGE NEW $20.00 |
|
|
Vintage unopened Charlie Brown Snoopy Lucy playset mint sealed in box $59.99 |
|
|
Charlie Brown Read Along Books And Records $4.00 |
|
|
peanuts scrub top M charlie brown, snoopy and gang, ouch, 2 lower pockts $5.50 |
|
|
Vintage United Feature Syndicate Peanuts Charlie Brown 4 Piece Cookie Cutters $9.99 |
|
|
Charlie Frye 2005 Upper Deck UD Portraits Jersey Browns Seahawks Raiders MINT SP $0.01 |
|
|
MIB Peanuts Charlie Brown Oh Christmas Tree Musical Snow Globe Collectible Rare $17.99 |
|
|
PEANUTS,SNOOPY, CHARLIE BROWN AND THE GANG,BE MY VALENTINE,NEW SIZE MEDIUM! $9.99 |
|
|
“A CHARLIE BROWN THANKSGIVING” Holiday Snoopy PEANUTS CLASSIC DVD 2000 $3.99 |
|
|
1981 Topps #89 Charlie Hall Browns (Mint) *243594 $1.20 |
|
|
Hand Made Charlie Brown Baby Bib NEW $5.00 |
|
|
A charlie brown festival RCA video disc $9.99 |
|
|
ladies BNWT CHARLIE BROWN long black dress RRP $349.00 $50.31 |
|
|
CADAZ CHARLIE BROWN LEATHER SHOES 12 MADE IN SPAIN $9.99 |
|
|
GOLDEN Peanuts (Charlie Brown & Snoopy) Vintage Frame Tray Puzzle, #4688B-22 Pcs $29.95 |
|
|
2005 CHARLIE FRYE ROOKIE BOWMAN # 156 BGS MINT 9 & JIM BROWN 1990 & BROWNS CARDS $2.99 |
|
|
CHARLIE BROWN Mauve with embroidered flowers Doona / Quilt Cover – Queen Size $5.92 |
|
|
Banksy Graffiti Charlie Brown Art Card ACEO Canvas Giclee Print Street Art $12.00 |
|
|
2011 Hallmark Keepsake Charlie Brown Wireless Peanuts Band $19.99 |
|
|
Peanuts: Where’s The Blanket Charlie Brown – NEW FACTORY SEALED SOFTWARE $9.87 |
|
|
CHARLIE BROWN SNOOPY FABRIC/SHIRT IRON ON TRANSFER $2.99 |
|
|
Peanuts Happiness Is A Warm Blanket Charlie Brown HC SDCC Variant Cover $39.99 |
|
|
Peanuts: It’s The Big Game Charlie Brown – NEW FACTORY SEALED SOFTWARE $8.07 |
|
|
PEANUTS A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS FIGURES CHARLIE, TREE, SNOOPY WOODSTOCK, HOUSE $29.99 |
|
|
Hallmark Ornament PEANUTS HAPPINESS IS…2011 Charlie Brown SNOOPY Woodstock $15.99 |
|
|
GROWTH CHART PEANUTS CHARLIE BROWN SNOOPY LINUS 5 FEET $0.99 |
|
|
PEANUTS, A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS, FADED LOOK DESIGN,SIZE XL T-SHIRT! $9.99 |
|
|
PEANUTS SNOOPY DOG CHARLIE BROWN AVIATOR DOUBLE LIGHT SWITCH COVER WALL PLATE $8.99 |
|
|
NEW PEANUTS SNOOPY DOG AVIATOR CHARLIE BROWN ELECTRIC OUTLET COMBO COVER PLATE $8.99 |
|
|
Peanuts I Want A Dog for Christmas Charlie Brown (2004) HCwDJ $2.99 |
|
|
PEANUTS SNOOPY DOG CHARLIE BROWN ROCKER OUTLET LIGHT SWITCH COVER COMBO PLATE $8.99 |
|
|
peanuts scrub top M charlie brown and gang, happiness is.., 2 lower pockts $5.50 |
|
|
Sally, Charlie Brown earrings, retro, cartoon, funky $8.95 |
|
|
Great PUMPKIN CharLie Brown-Charm Bracelet-fun jewelry $34.50 |
|
|
1987 TOPPS CARD # 252 CHARLIE BROWN WR – FALCONS $1.00 |
|
|
NEW Vintage Peanuts Gang Snoopy Pink Tote Bag Woodstock Baseball Charlie Brown $13.49 |
|
|
1993-94 Danbury Mint PEANUTS – LOT of 2 FIGURINES! Charlie Brown and Linus + $9.99 |
|
|
Vintage 1966 Charlie Brown Figure Peanuts Gang $4.21 |
|
|
NEW PEANUTS SNOOPY DOG AVIATOR CHARLIE BROWN ELECTRIC OUTLET COVER WALL PLATE $7.99 |
|
|
Peanuts Charlie Brown Baseball 8X10 Color Photo $6.99 |
|
|
Charlie Brown, Peanuts, Snoopy Books—Lot of 10 Vintage. $12.50 |
|
|
Peanuts Gang Charlie Brown Snoopy Special Edition Uno Card Game with Metal Tin $17.99 |
|
|
Chemex Coffee Filters – 100 Chemex Bonded Unbleached Filter Squares FSU-100 $6.00 Chemex filters are 20-30% heavier than competitive brands. They remove even the finest sediment particles, as well as undesirable oils and fats. The formulation of the filter permits the proper infusion time by regulating the filtration rate – not too slow, not too fast. Good infusion of the coffee grounds gives coffee a richer flavor while at the same time making possible precise fractional extra… |
|
|
Anchor Hocking 1-Gallon Heritage Hill Jar with Glass Lid $12.50 These storage jars are great to keep candy, cookies, snacks, and even pet treats. Crystal glass jar with glass cover…. |
|
|
Tabletop Lifestyles Sedona 16-Ounce Mug, Set of 4 $22.96 From the TV Series Two and a Half Men… |
|
|
Mylo Xyloto $6.80 COLDPLAY MYLO XYLOTO… |
|
|
The Rolling Stones: Gimme Shelter (The Criterion Collection) $17.07 Studio: Image Entertainment Release Date: 11/14/2000 Run time: 91 minutes… |
|
|
The Charlie Brown Collection $11.54 Includes arrangements of 18 favorite Peanuts(TM) tunes, plus an 8-page color section of Peanuts art: Baseball Theme * Blue Charlie Brown * Charlie Brown Theme * Christmas Is Coming * Christmas Time Is Here * Great Pumpkin Waltz * Happiness Theme * He`s… |
|
|
The Charlie Brown Songbook $9.85 We are very pleased to present The Charlie Brown(TM) Songbook Recorder Fun!(TM) pack. Bound to become a child`s favorite activity, this book/instrument pack makes learning to play seven fantastic Peanuts(TM) songs on a high quality beginner`s recorder … |
|
|
Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (Hardcover) $4.9 Valentine’s Day is here, but will Charlie Brown get a Valentine? While the rest of the Peanuts gang is busy making cards and buying presents, Charlie Brown is still waiting to see if his first ever Valentine’s Day card will come, maybe… |
|
|
A Charlie Brown Christmas (Hardcover) $17.72 This ultra-deluxe retelling of the beloved story A Charlie Brown Christmas features music, dialogue, and colorful illustrations that will delight fans everywhere.In the holiday classic TV special A Charlie Brown Christmas, the Pea… |
|
|
A Charlie Brown Christmas (Hardcover) $18.61 Celebrate the season with this beautiful pop-up version of the modern-day fairytale A Charlie Brown Christmas. Charlie Brown is determined to find the true meaning of Christmas as he looks for the perfect tree for the holiday. Faithful to t… |
|
|
A Charlie Brown Christmas $5.66 Surrounded by other kids with extremely commercial ideas about Christmas, Charlie Brown struggles to understand the true spirit of the holiday. |
|
|
Charlie Brown`s Greatest Hits (Paperback) $12.65 18 solos , including the theme music “Charlie Brown All Stars.” |
|
|
It`s Tokyo, Charlie Brown (Paperback) $9.8 The Peanuts gang hops on a plane to Japan when their Little League team is chosen to represent the United States in an international baseball game in Tokyo! Between seeing the sights and taking in the best of Japanese culture, Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Pe… |
|
|
Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (Paperback) $4.9 Love is in the air! Celebrate Valentine’s Day with the Peanuts gang, and see if Charlie Brown will finally talk to the little red-headed girl. This beloved story is now available in an exciting format as an 8×8 with stickers. |
|
|
Charlie Brown Christmas $8.9 It wouldn`t be Christmas without the beloved animated classic A Charlie Brown Christmas! This collection contains 10 songs from Vince Guaraldi`s timeless soundtrack: The Christmas Song * Christmas Time Is Here * Fur Elise * Hark, the Herald Angels Sing… |
|
|
It`s a Big World, Charlie Brown (Paperback) $9.08 Published to coincide with Peanuts` birthday on October 2, a new collection of comic strips features the hilarious adventures of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and the rest of the Peanuts Gang. Original. |
|
|
Good Grief! Charlie Brown Doodles (Paperback) $7.87 Where is Charlie Brown going to kick the football? Where is Linus`s blanket? And why is Snoopy smiling so mischievously? Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Peppermint Patty, Sally, and the rest of the Peanuts gang are up to their usual antics in this … |
|
|
Vince Guaraldi – A Boy Named Charlie Brown $12.2 Disc 1:Oh, Good Grief!Pebble BeachHappiness IsSchroederCharlie Brown ThemeLinus and LucyBlue Charlie BrownBaseball ThemeFreda (With the Naturally Curly Hair)Fly Me to the Moon – (bonus tr… |
|
|
A Boy Named Charlie Brown (DVD) $12.86 The first full-length animated film starring the Peanuts gang created by Charles M. Schulz. As the story unfolds, Charlie Brown is readying himself for the first pitch of the baseball season, however, the pitcher`s mound is covered with dandelions. The… |
|
|
It`s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (Hardcover) $13.55 Halloween is here with this ultra-deluxe, interactive retelling of the spook-tacular story It`s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown that will charm fans of all ages! Amidst a scary pumpkin patch, the Peanuts gang learns that even an eerie n… |
|
|
A Charlie Brown Christmas Snow Globe (Paperback) $7.21 The classic holiday show A Charlie Brown Christmas is now a whimsical snow globe ornament featuring those beloved characters Charlie Brown and Snoopy beside their famed Christmas tree. Also includes a 32-page book featuring full-color il… |
|
|
Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown – Deluxe Edition (DVD) $12.6 This classic and much-loved Peanuts story centers on the romantic yearnings of that eternally hapless hero, Charlie Brown. As Valentine`s Day approaches, Lucy tries to get Schroeder to give her a card, Sally chases after Linus, and poor Charlie Brown d… |
|
|
He`s Your Dog, Charlie Brown – Deluxe Edition (DVD) $8.57 This collection of two PEANUTS cartoons including a tale of Snoopy considering throwing Charlie Brown over for a different owner, and a story of Snoopy running away with the circus. |
|
|
David Benoit – Here`s to You, Charlie Brown!: 50 Great Years! $16.97 Disc 1:Linus and LucyCharlie Brown ThemePebble BeachLinus Tells CharlieFriedaChristmas Time Is HereGetting ReadyBlue Charlie BrownRed BaronHappiness |
|
|
A Charlie Brown Christmas – Deluxe Edition (DVD) $11.61 One of the most endearing of all Peanuts` specials finds Charlie Brown nurturing the thinnest, scraggliest Christmas tree ever. At first the gang makes fun of Charlie for choosing such an ugly tree for the holiday but a timely assist from Linus makes t… |