Richard Pryor
Something I Said-Rape As Domestic Abuse
Something I Said
Rape As Domestic Abuse Dwight Hobbes
Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder There’s no such thing as the right to rape. Obvious as that sounds, it bears saying. Because, this isn’t in reference to being jumped in an alley or attacked by a home-intruder. It’s about behavior in a relationship. Forcing or manipulating one’s spouse, lover or would-be intimate into having sex constitutes rape as one more form of domestic abuse. You do not have a right to someone’s body against their will. No matter what you may feel entitled to. This, despite conventional thought, includes wedlock. Getting married doesn’t give a husband license to climb on top of his wife whenever the urge moves him, whether she wants to have sex or not. It includes cohabitation. Just because a couple shacks up doesn’t mean anytime he feels frisky she better feel that way, too or, at the very least, lay there and take it ‘til he’s done satisfying himself. Certainly, it includes dating. There’s a hilarious Richard Pryor routine in which a guy and gal are heating things up until shenanigans reach critical mass. At which point she abruptly puts on the breaks. And he whiningly entreats, “Oh, you gotta gimme some, now.” In that same routine, Pryor declares, “A Black man spend $35 on dinner, he gon’ [have sex with] somebody.” That’s exactly what the routine was, a very funny joke. What makes it funny is that we all know nine men out of ten are hoping to get lucky when they take a lady out — that’s just common sense. But, Brother Richard’s audience was laughing themselves sick because it’s the chance a man takes, running the risk of, scoring, as the expression goes or being shut out. He was not saying it’s okay, because you got your motor heated or dropped a pretty dollar on dinner and drinks, to push your way into her house or apartment and pull her clothes off. You had no guarantee going in and need to be gracious about the whole situation. It goes double for teen romance. Girls have been, since time immemorial, profoundly subject to the emotional and mental manipulations of horny boys. Mainly because girls crave approval. As a young would-be man, it is not okay to berate, connive or otherwise get over on a young would-be woman so your hormones will stop raising hell. Their your hormones and she is not responsible for how well you can handle them. As well, there’s no limitation on when a woman can say no. Including when she and he are between the sheets, “doin’ the wild thang”. It may not seem fair, but facts are facts. Her body is still her body and if she wants you out of it, the time has arrived for you to get up out of her bed, put your pants back on and go on about your business. Could be you were being too rough. Could be you’re not as good at what you’re doing as you think you are. Whatever the instance, you need to respect her. You have to treat her like she’s a person, not a receptacle. You’re entitled to sympathy, true. Which your homeboys no doubt will give you by the bucketful. That, however, is all you’re entitled to. File the experience away under Life Ain’t Fair and then get over it. February 2007, in the case of Maouloud Baby v. Maryland, that state’s Court of Special Appeals overturned Baby’s rape conviction, despite the victim’s testimony that she yelled for him to stop hurting her and tried to push him off. So, even judges have a long way to go in divesting themselves of the notion of male privilege. Fortunately, in April of this year, those justices came to their senses, reversed the ruling and hauled Maouloud Baby back into court to account for his conduct. Sadly, it makes Maryland one of only eight states whose legal systems uphold a female’s right to revoke sexual consent. Common decency tells you something for which we shouldn’t need a law: your expectation of sexual gratification ends where her free will begins. There is no excuse for abuse. Plain and simple. Not in marriage. Not in any relationship. Under any circumstance. Men who have trouble grasping that concept need do one thing: instead of letting the wrong head dictate their behavior, they ought to imagine their mother, sister or daughter on the receiving end of that she’s-going-to-give-it-up-or-I’m-just-going-to-take-it mentality. And then they need to go take a cold shower. Bottom line, there really is no such thing as the right to commit rape.
About the Author
Twin Cities Daily Planet articles archived at www.tcdailyplanet.net/profiles/dwight-hobbes. Dwight Hobbes has written for ESSENCE, Reader’s Digest, Washington Post, Minneapolis Star Tribune, St. Paul Pioneer Press, City Pages, Mpls/St. Paul, MN Law & Politics, Pulse of the Twin Cities, Twin Cities Daily Planet, Women & Word, San Diego Union-Tribune and Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder (where he contributes the commentary column Something I Said). He’s spoken his mind over National Public Radio, Minnesota Public Radio, Blog Talk Radio’s UNOBSTRUCTED and KMOJ in Minneapolis and St. Paul. Was regularly featured as guest commentator on NewsNight Minnesota (KTCA-Minneapolis/St. Paul) and Spectator (Minneapolis Television Network). His monthly column “Hobbes In The House” in MN Spokesman Recorder speaks to domestic abuse and rape. His plays are Shelter – produced at Mixed Blood Theatre by Pangea World Theater, Dues – produced by Mixed Blood Theatre, University of Southern Illinois in Point of Revue, selected for Bedlam Theatre’s 10-Minute Play Festival and published by Playscripts, Inc. You Can’t Always Sometimes Never Tell – produced by Theater Center Philadelphia, Long Island University, reading at The Kennedy Center and published in the anthology CENTER STAGE, In the Midst – produced by Long Island University, starring Samuel E. Wright. Hobbes spoke on the panel “Farewell To August Wilson” at the Guthrie Theater, broadcast on Conversations With Al McFarlane (KFAI, KMOJ). Singer-songwriter Dwight Hobbes recorded the single “Atlanta Children” (BeatBad Records) and gigged 10 years in the Long Island/NYC area, including The Other End, Kenny’s Castaways and My Fathers Place. He fronted the Boston blues band Midlight. In Minneapolis, Hobbes opened for David Daniels at First Street Entry, James Curry at Terminal Bar, sat in with Yohannes Tona, Alicia Wiley at Sol Testimony’s Soul Jam, The New Congress at Babalu, Willie Murphy at the Viking Bar and Wain McFarlane & Jahz at Lucille’s Kitchen. Dwight Hobbes still drops in at the occasional open mic around town. www.myspace.com/dwighthobbesmusic
Richard Pryor: PRISON
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Is It Something I Said $6.28 From the first cut to the last, this rollicking CD is proof of Pryor’s immense talent and influence. His impression of a windy preacher (“Eulogy”) is the routine that launched a thousand black comics that came after. “Life is not the ultimate test. The ultimate test is whether your ass will survive Death. Nobody we know has passed this test, least of all this sorry mother.” Neither imitated nor eq… |
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The Richard Pryor Show – Volume 1 (DVD) $9.89 In 1977 Richard Pryor was fully established as a stand-up comedian capable of combining political satire with sidesplitting laug |
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Richard Pryor – I Ain`t Dead Yet #%$#@!! Uncensored (DVD) $8.1 Comedian Richard Pryor broke new ground in standup comedy with his revolutionary blend of profane language, streetsmart attitude, and razor-sharp social commentary. Hosted by the man himself, the uncensored television special RICHARD PRYOR: I AIN`T DEA… |
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Another You (DVD) $6.94 In their fourth outing as a team, Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder star as a chronic liar and a con man whose deceptive ways get th |
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Brewster’s Millions (DVD) $5.62 Director Walter Hill tries his hand at this adaptation of the oft-filmed novel by George Barr McCutcheon. Richard Pryor stars as |